


Oceanic Dawn

by Fjeril



Series: Fjeril Fictober 2018 [11]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Akatsuki Mentionned, Angst, Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 11:51:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjeril/pseuds/Fjeril
Summary: Kaoru left this world, and Souma is starting to wish he could do the same.





	Oceanic Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> HAH I'M EARLIER THAN USUAL  
> I wrote this for Fictober Day 11: “But I will never forget!”  
> Maybe all I have to say is "oops".

He was turned towards the ocean, looking at the waves, watching them rise, and fall, sometimes crash close to his feet. They reminded him of the way he breathed, regular but chaotic, calm but sometimes cut by a sigh. At that point, he wasn't actually if it were the waves that reminded of the way he breathed, or if he was breathing according to the rhythm of the waves.

Whatever, he thought. He didn't care. He didn't care for many things, actually. The water rising up wasn't a problem. The sun being at its zenith and risking to burn him wasn't, either. The missed calls and lack of battery on his phone weren't too important, it wasn't like he was very good at using it in the first place. Nothing mattered anymore.

He didn't want to be an idol anymore.

He didn't want to make people smile anymore.

He didn't even want to live anymore.

He just wanted to be alone with the ocean, and let it take him away, slowly, very slowly. He wanted it to take him to its deepest abysses and steal his life, as slowly, as painfully as it could. It would most definitely be better and less painful than whatever was actually going through his mind right now. He wasn't even _sure_ what was going through his mind, actually, except deep pain. So strong that nothing else mattered around him.

Still hoping for a miracle, he stood up, feeling the wind blow in his hair, on his shoulders, against his face. And started walking in the water. He used to love walking in the water, for hours, along the beach, hands in hands with...

Feeling the tears at the corners of his eyes, he decided it wasn't a good idea to keep thinking. So, he kept walking, emotionessly, deeper into the sea. There was no meaning to life if he had to go through it alone. There was no meaning to it if he had to think about him for the rest of his days, while he stayed alone in the silence of their room.

The water was cold, at least he was still able to feel that. The air was cold, too, actually. It would help a little, at least. When he had water up to his shoulders, Souma stopped for a second, watching the horizon. Somehow, it felt like the sun would never rise again. It would be more than fair, and actually he didn't expect much more than that; except if the world agreed to go against every single one of its own rules, and to bring Hakaze Kaoru back to him. In that case, maybe he could accept not to give up.

Souma smiled, bitterly. That would never happen.

Thus he kept walking, admiring the beauty of the ocean, the last love he had on this world, one last time. Until suddenly, something stopped him from going further. Something very strong, stopping him from behind, holding him no matter how loud he shouted, how strong he hit, how much he was moving. He kept shouting, kept hitting, kept moving but the other person was as determined as he was; and Souma was filled with hatred, with wrath, with frustration.

With sadness.

He didn't even realize it when his shouts turned into cries of despair, when his words stopped being clear, when his face became covered with tears. It had taken until the moon started to retreat, but he was getting tired. So was the ocean, retiring at its own pace, now only covering the lower half of his body. Yet, the person behind him was still holding him as strongly as in the beginning.

Maybe it wasn't a person. Maybe it was some kind of tree or sunk ship he had unconsciously walked in and got trapped in. He didn't know. He didn't want to know. He just wanted it all to stop.

"Give him back to me," he ended up crying, shaking, his legs feeling weak, "Give me Kaoru back!"

He was despaired, hoping his words would be enough to bring his boyfriend back to the world of the living, to cancel what had happened weeks before. He didn't know how live without Hakaze Kaoru, without the one that had changed his life for the better.

"Souma," a slow, calm voice answered him, "I would 'like' for 'Kaoru' to come back, too. But that is how 'life' is, you 'know' it. He wouldn't be 'happy' if you 'decided' to throw you life 'away'. Instead, why not 'try' and 'go on' with your life?"

The familiar voice helped appeasing his heart a little - only a little, because it reminded him of their school days, when they went to the Marine Life Club and Kaoru would stare at the tanks, an undescribable expression on his face, a mix of joy and sadness. At least, it was enough to make his cries stop, to calm his sobs and tears.

"But I will never forget!" he complained, images turning in his head.

He would never be able to forget how they were happily chatting while having an ice-cream after work, at a table next to the windows of the shop. How in the middle of a sentence, the glass broke under the impact of a car, how they both ended up in the hospital. How he was the one with the less injuries. How it was already too late when he  had woken up.

"Of 'course', you will not 'forget'," Kanata replied, sorrow in his voice, "But you can 'focus' on the 'good' things he brought 'you'. You can 'keep' going on for 'him', for the 'bond' you share. I 'promise', Souma. Things will get 'better'. Repeat after me: 'bubble'...

\- Bubble," Souma replied, in a low and unconvinced voice.

Yet the word had the expected effect. It calmed his heart a little more. Maybe his friend was right, maybe there was something more, maybe there would be an "after". He didn't feel ready for an "after" Kaoru yet; he had expected that to be either in a dozen years if they got tired of each other, or not before they had grown grey and wrinkled together.

Yet, Kanzaki Souma, twenty-five years old, had to live and "after" Hakaze Kaoru. Right now, that wasn't what he wanted.

"I'm not ready," he whispered, not exactly sure if he wanted Kanata to hear him or not.

"I 'understand' that," the former club president accepted, "but when you're 'ready', I will be there for 'you'. And so will 'Chiaki', it's our duty as 'heros'."

The start of a smile drew itself on Souma's lips. Before Morisawa and his reserves of energy, there were two people he needed to apologize to, and to ask for support. They probably were worried, by now, for he hadn't given news, and had ignored everything and everyone for a whole week.

"Thank you, president," he accepted, "I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready."

On the horizon, the sun was starting to rise, tainting the ocean in myriads of colors.

"But for now, I need to go back to Akatsuki."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ♥ I hope your killing intent isn't too strong towards me ♥   
> Anyway just in case, we're not starting a "10 ship loop", I still have two other ships I haven't written about yet and I'd really love to. And you'll get the first time writing them blahblah because I think that until the beginning of the month, I've only published (emphasis on "published" because I've *written* other ships) KaoSou and Natsumugi fics.  
> Well.  
> :3  
> Can't wait to kill more peop-


End file.
